This post is from the JMBzine Blog Vault, which means it is a very old blog post that I wrote at a very different time of my life. My views on religion (I’m now a Humanistic Jew), politics (today I’m a democratic socialist), and many other subjects (LGBTQ+ inclusion, abortion rights, etc.) have drastically changed over the years, so please bear this in mind when reading this post.
Don’t ask me why I am still up.
I should be asleep right now, as I have an ICS student association officers’ meeting at 11, but I am just on this kick of not sleeping, until I finally collapse with exhaustion. Then of course, I’ll wake up dead to the world totally wiped out, but having to go somewhere and do something. Of course, the smart thing would be to go to bed early the next night, but no, not me. I’ll start to feel energeized as the evening comes, and by night I’ll be staying up late again. Oh well.
Oh well, moving on to other random thoughts… It has been rather wierd lately, with the whole subject of age. For most of my life I have wanted to be older. There was always something more to look forward to, something bigger or cooler that I couldn’t do until I was x years old. Now, though I am starting to change my mind. Maybe it’s because I’m hanging all of the time on that 7ball forum with a lot of high school aged people, but I am struck with the fact that I am becoming old and set in my ways. I especially see this when I start to look around at other peoples’ websites. Mine just look old and cluttered, while their’s are sleek and up-to-date. The creativity of these people blow me away.
Maybe I’m just too tired, and that is what is making me think so wierdly. Maybe it’s heartbreak of love that won’t be. Who knows, but I’m going to bed before I start sounding too philosophical.
On a side note, if someone knows when to give up on love, let me know. It would make my life a lot easier. Then again, maybe I don’t want to know. Maybe if I don’t have accept reality, I’m happier. — Ok, I’m going to bed. My late night thoughts are starting to depress me. 😉
Editor’s note (2023): This post and my worries about being old are hilarious to me now (at age 46), as I was only 23 then.